Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
