More tranny stories later!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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