i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
