fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
