The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
