listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Randomize
