u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
