We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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