I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
