I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
