I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
