Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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