Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize