Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
