The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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