i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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