so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so let's talk penis.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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