If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
