My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
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how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
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Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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