no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
how drunk are you?
Several
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
