whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Randomize
