I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
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Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
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