Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
