Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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