I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
