Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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