That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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