Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
