Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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