i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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