I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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