You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
