Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
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