after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
