no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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