Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
