He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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