There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
