I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
