Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
