you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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