I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
