a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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