at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
