It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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