dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
