Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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