farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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