I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
