So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
