I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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