We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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