We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
