he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize