I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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