That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
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My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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