Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
