the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
